“Silent night, holy night,
all is calm and all is bright,
Round yon Virgin mother and child,
Holy Infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace…”
My own silent night, on this unholy night,
Nothing is calm and nothing is right!
No more virgin but a mother - though wild
Often neglecting both husband and child,
Sleep comes with much difficulty, dreaming of Rob-depravity!
Silent bloody night, fuck-awful night,
Visions of Rob and clitoral throb
Rubbing and tugging with almighty power
Jizzing and vibrating to wilt and deflower
Any remnants of virginal peace, wracked with Roblusting disease…
Another unsilent night, another unquiet blight
Batteries all gone, fingers all worn
Tired of hearing my own moaning and whine
Why can’t the body he’s jumping be mine?
Why can’t the name he is calling be mine?
Silent tonight, quite jolly tonight,
Snug in bed with Rob in my head,
And loving the fucking I have been giving my man,
Digging that he can quite understand
That he is the one doing the job, fucking care less I dream of Rob!
(with respectful apologies to the traditional carol!)
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