Robert on the Oprah Show

Did you see Robert on the Oprah show?
Shining sublimely in the pixellated glow,
As ravishingly beautiful as we all know,
Sitting pretty at the head of the row…

The delightful creature knocked on doors,
Knocked folks off chairs and onto floors,
Made them happy and dizzy with surprise
Seeing Him in the flesh with His laughing eyes!

Oh, how I wished so piously
That such a fortune would land on me:
To have Him lurking outside my house,
Pressing His shirt against my blouse,
Hugging His neck with both arms as well,
Inhaling His scent, musk and smell!
Listening to His alluring voice
Inviting me to the show of choice,
Knowing full well that my top destination
Is wherever He is in closest proximation!

Oh, how I envied those who were so lucky
As to be in touching distance of our sweet Robbie…

And the cheeky grin as he made his reply,
With a devilish twinkle in each squinted eye -
That Kristen Stewart was going to have a baby
Though she insisted He was the one who’s getting preggy…

I must confess to being enormously relieved
That fatherhood rumours are not to be believed,
Yet do you think it wrong or very sinful for me
To wish He would give or have my baby?

{OUT! OUT! Most inappropriate thought!
Never had a more wicked end been sought!
I am now thoroughly ashamed and all put out
That I have gone and thought that thought out loud!!}

But oh, my angelsz, darlings and sisters all,
I am beyond culling outrageous feelings for Him at all!
Here comes Hell’s fiery chariot now swinging low
To damn me for coveting Robert on the Oprah Show!

(on watching Robert on the Oprah Show on his 24th birthday, 13th May)